Tokyo: Unsure If You're Japanese Or Not?

You know you're not Japanese when...

• Your knees touch the opposite wall when you sit on the toilet.
• Your head scrapes the ceiling in the shower
• Bicycles weaving at high speed through crowds alarm you
• The smell of sewage every couple of blocks makes you gag
• You'd prefer your food not to drip with sickly mayonnaise
• You're not heartbreakingly, radiantly, lickably attractive
• You are the centre of idle attention on the Tokyo subway
• Locals speak to you like a three-year-old
• You hit your head on street signs
• A speaker blasting the sound of running water when you pee in a public toilet startles you
• You've never seen 'Whale Bacon' before
  
• You find violent Manga porn disturbing
• You don't look like you've just stepped out of a fashion photo shoot
• Constant exposure to earthquake information disturbs your sleep
• Heated subway seats feel creepy
• When you greet someone you're actually saying 'yes'.
• You don't spend half an hour applying makeup and fixing your hair -- one hair at a time -- in public
• Beer from a street vending machine is novel