My Body is Revolting

Neck cramps. Blurry vision. Spinal spasms. Numb and tingling right arm. Litter of cups and food wrappers radiating from keyboard. I suspect I've been spending a wee bit too much time worshipping the One-Eyed God* of late. My body has had enough, and it's mounting a seige.

The hypnosis of the machine allowed me to ignore these corporal irritants for a time, but losing feeling in my mousing arm was just a step too far. Alert, but not alarmed, I treated myself to a modicum of novelty - I went outside for a walk.

Blinking fitfully in the glare of the outside world I found wonders out there in the suburbs: cool air! Caressing breezes! Real live three-dimensional people! Lawn mowers! I had only intended going as far as the local shops to pick up supplies, but the joy of blood sparkling through my limbs lead me onto the park.

The rains came at the optimum time this year to give everything green a good footing leading into the stunting hot weather. The park had changed markedly since I last visited - was it really that long ago? - and it was green, green, green and bursting, wild and tangled, the creeks flowing, skittering critters rustling the grasses, all of it bellowing LIFE! I couldn't help but agree. I think I'll go back again tomorrow.**

In a further effort to resolve the troubled relations between mind and body I engaged the services of a masseur to help broker a peace deal. Draped over the masseur's chair I realised that pain is relative to its cause. As his fingers burrowed cruelly into the inflamed knots in my shoulder I grunted and sighed with eye-rolling relief; had that same sensation occurred in my toe and been the result of it having collided with a table leg, howling and sympathy-seeking would be the only foreseeable result. Maybe that I was paying $60 an hour was an influence here.

Regardless, the siege has been quietened momentarily. But the peasants are still restive. I wonder if they eat cake?


* Those of lesser faith may know It as a "computer".

** For those of you taking notes, I spotted:
- 2 pale-headed rosellas
- 4 galahs
- 1 Indian mynah dragging a length of plastic wrap into its termites' nest bunker
- 2 cattle egrets
- 3 747's
- 1 juvenile water dragon
- several mango trees heavy with softball-sized fruit
- 5 serves of cane toad jerky
- 1 man with prodigious beergut wearing only Dimmey's hotpants at halfmast
- more rainbow lorikeets than I could be bothered counting
- 1 banana bird