Love and Marriage

On the 26th of this month I will be a part of the wedding of two friends of mine. I’ve actually known her longer—she was a couple of years below me at school—but the male half of the couple is my closer friend. He’s happier than I’ve seen him in a very long time. In fact, I don’t recall seeing him so consistantly relaxed and open. It’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve been lucky to have known the group of friends that he—Christian—is a part of for fourteen years now. I’ve drifted away from them at times, but the tide always seems to wash me back to this comfortable and comforting social attol. I'm extremely fortunate to have them. With these people I don’t need to explain myself, and I understand complexity of meaning in the smallest of their statements. We know each other pretty well.

Although many of the group have established, and in some cases maintained, committed relationships before, the round of weddings has only begun recently. The wave of child-bearing began almost a decade ago, but somehow the weddings have a little more gravity for me. A pregnancy can happen quite unexpectedly, but, short of a paralytic lapse of judgement in Los Vegas, weddings are deliberate and intentional. These people have thought deeply about their commitment to their partners and decided to bare their tender feelings in public and give their unions that greater strength. It’s a wonderful thing to watch people you’ve seen behave shamefully, rant in delusion, be crushed under the wreckage of shattered romances, drag themselves through grey, debilitating ruts, flail along the cliff edge of hair-curling excess, relax, mature and bloom into balanced and satisfied adulthood. I’m quite humbled to witness these people I love so much have the courage and depth of feeling to take such a step as marriage. I couldn’t be happier for them.

It’s inspiring to see these two together. Christian just seems to have come such a long way, which is remarkably uplifting after seeing him so unhappy for so long. He seemed utterly closed to the world, his shell ready to snap shut at any moment; now he’s open and radiating for all to see. But I’m not quite as removed from all of this as I’m making out: I’ve had a bit of loving myself recently. Although it’s just in its teetering infancy, it’s pointed out to me just how closed I’ve been to the world over the past few years, and how settling and confidence-building it is to have someone choose to be with you over anyone else. I’m more patient. More at ease with myself. Kinder. Happier. It’s making me a better person all round. And who doesn’t wish those things for their friends? On the beach at Noosa on the 26th I’ll be raising a glass to all those things, and wishing them for not only my friends, but for everyone. Because wouldn’t there be so much less crap to deal with in this world if everyone had someone who genuinely adored them?