I pondered these things as I watched an ad for Virgin Mobile during a break in The Simpsons last night . It seems that the fine folk at Virgin have been advised by their marketing people that showing me a pint-sized rapper surrounded by his bikini-clad ho’s rubbing their tits on the camera was inducement to purchase their latest mobile phone plan.
The Virgin Mobile ad - reach for your purses, ladies!
I don’t doubt that Virgin, being a large and successful international company, have done their research. If anyone could confidently assure you that a bunch of skinny chicks, droolingly randy, wearing slingshots and grinding their bums with the urgency of a dog with worms are going to make me their latest customer, it’s Virgin. I defer to their experience in these matters.
And while we're on the subject: it’s common knowledge that we ladies prefer West Coast Coolers to beer (…but don’t forget the straw! I won’t bag a husband with daggy lippy!). So when I saw an ad for a new beer at the bus stop telling me that It’s like finding out that Claudia Schiffer has a twin sister, I could see the wisdom in it: the only women who drink beer are nasty, hairy bull-dykes, so they had all their demographic covered with that one simple statement. Clever, huh?
But friends, I have a confession. Recently, when Heaven advertised their ice cream range with an image of a nubile miss bathing in chocolate and fellating an ice cream bar with a come-hither look, well… I dropped what I was doing and bought them in twos! Honest!
So, sisters, get with the programme. When a semi-clad woman is licking her glossy lips over the top of her pneumatic breasts on a billboard, she’s leering at YOU; not the randy-pants sixteen-year-old boy sitting next to you at the bus stop; not the frustrated and lonely middle-aged executive clawing at his bits in the car next to you at the lights. You. The advertisers know you hold the purse strings... so they must be talking to you. Mustn’t they?
* According to a Harris Interactive study, women control 75 percent of household finances and 80 percent of purchasing decisions.
I don’t doubt that Virgin, being a large and successful international company, have done their research. If anyone could confidently assure you that a bunch of skinny chicks, droolingly randy, wearing slingshots and grinding their bums with the urgency of a dog with worms are going to make me their latest customer, it’s Virgin. I defer to their experience in these matters.
And while we're on the subject: it’s common knowledge that we ladies prefer West Coast Coolers to beer (…but don’t forget the straw! I won’t bag a husband with daggy lippy!). So when I saw an ad for a new beer at the bus stop telling me that It’s like finding out that Claudia Schiffer has a twin sister, I could see the wisdom in it: the only women who drink beer are nasty, hairy bull-dykes, so they had all their demographic covered with that one simple statement. Clever, huh?
But friends, I have a confession. Recently, when Heaven advertised their ice cream range with an image of a nubile miss bathing in chocolate and fellating an ice cream bar with a come-hither look, well… I dropped what I was doing and bought them in twos! Honest!
So, sisters, get with the programme. When a semi-clad woman is licking her glossy lips over the top of her pneumatic breasts on a billboard, she’s leering at YOU; not the randy-pants sixteen-year-old boy sitting next to you at the bus stop; not the frustrated and lonely middle-aged executive clawing at his bits in the car next to you at the lights. You. The advertisers know you hold the purse strings... so they must be talking to you. Mustn’t they?
* According to a Harris Interactive study, women control 75 percent of household finances and 80 percent of purchasing decisions.
5 comments:
I don't know why anyone else isn't commenting on your posts, but they're fucking hilarious! In the good way.
Oh, Tim, you silver-tongued devil, you! People who laugh at my jokes are always welcome, so thank you. Are you single?
I sure am! Single, smart and seven thousand miles away!
Sorry, Tim; I've since read your blog and realise what
a CRUEL taunt that was - heart-felt apologies. As I said, though, all forms of flattery gratefully accepted. None of my slacker friends have left comments, despite my Biblical-scale plague of convenient Blog-o-Rama reminder emails...
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