Cornucopia of Crap

About a month or so ago my housemates, Mr and Mrs Fungus, got Foxtel hooked up here at the house. Lofty and I aren't taking part in the paying for it—quite the waste of money as far as I'm concerned—but it's there, I'm largely incapacitated, so I've been availing myself of the vast array of absolute shite it has to offer.

I watched a bit of Hawaii Five-0 last week, and I confess it was a bit of an eye-opener. Not only were the fellas very caring, sharing Nineties kinda guys (not something I generally expect to see in Seventies telly cops), but the main protagonists of this particular story were very engaging in their own ways. The bad guy, for example. Steve and Danno spent some time telling us just what a hard-arsed, bad news grub he is, so I nearly choked when his mug finally made it on to the screen: it was Luis from Sesame Street! All wrong! And the visiting good guy du jour looked familiar, and his name in the credits rang a distinct bell, too: Gil Gerard. Known later to some as Buck Rogers. All this, and the infinite pleasure of the Hawaii Five-0 theme song. Beautiful.

It's remarkable who turns up on these old shows. Recent episodes of M*A*S*H have turned up Patrick Swayze, Shelley Long, Barry Corbin (better known to me as Maurice from Northern Exposure), Pat Morita, Brian Dennehey and Ron Howard. Spotting them has become a sport.

The creme de la creme of appalling Foxtel dross, though, would have to be Hong Kong schlocker, The Mighty Peking Man. What a hoot! Best seen with a bunch of kitsch-lovers in the mood for a few beers and some convulsive laughter.

But when all is said and done, I still wouldn't pay for any of this guff.